Spiritual Warfare: My Story
I'm gonna do a series on Spiritual Warfare, reposting some relevant older posts, adding new things, and sharing some good resources. The world is growing dark and the spiritual battle is getting serious, making it a good time for a series like this.
You don't think that the world is getting dark, that the spiritual battle is ramping up? Here are some articles I found from just the last several days:
Dozens of girls collapse at Columbia school 'after playing with Ouija boards'
Satan club opens up at elementary school in Colorado with overwhelming amount of support (an elementary school, full of young, impressionable, vulnerable children)
And while saying the wrong pronoun might get you fired because it hurts someone's feelings, there's apparently no legal consequences for a person who illegally distributes gender-transitioning drugs to children: Self-described 'queer' and 'transgender' boasts about illegally providing minors gender-transitioning prescriptions without facing legal consequences
Don't you dare read a Bible verse in public or hire Christian teachers because of their values, but go ahead and let drag queens perform for kids and put pornographic books in elementary school libraries and let men call themselves women so they can steal the awards that should go to real women and try to blend Christianity with polyamory. [God help us, it's time for a flood. My opinion is that Jesus is coming back soon and so God is drawing lines in the sand, forcing us to pick a side.]
If the absolute upside-down-ness in our world - the complete loss of commonsense and decency, the total reversal of right and wrong - isn't a sign of demonic activity, of the battle between spiritual good and evil, then what is going on here? How could so many supposedly good, decent, mature intelligent people become so stupid so quickly, allowing so much idiocy and backwardness in the world? (I don't blame the few people who are pushing the evil as much as I blame the many people who are allowing the evil to be pushed, who are accommodating it and compromising with it.)
Let's start by looking at why I take this issue so seriously. The following is a very shortened version of something I've published several times, taken from the Bible study lesson on it (click here to see it). I left some of the Bible study questions on the end, to get you thinking about it more in your own life.
This is my story about how I came to fully trust in Jesus’s name and to passionately cling to Him, to never be able to doubt the existence of a spirit world, to place such a high priority on prayer and God’s Word, and to always remember my need for spiritual armor. You don’t have to believe me, but don’t say I never warned you. (And if you're skeptical and get nothing from this whole section, just remember this: “In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave.” In case you ever need it. And to be clear, this would be for believers. Non-believers cannot expect to use Jesus's name against evil because non-believers are not under Jesus's authority, because they haven't accepted Him as Lord and Savior. So they have no right to use His name. And so for non-believers, may I recommend this post: "Starting your own relationship with Jesus".)
My first experience with the unseen world was when I was a pre-teen playing “light as a feather, stiff as a board.” I go into more detail in the link above, and so I will simply say this here: It worked. It really worked. We failed on the first try, but on the second - after chanting much longer and nearly zoning out - we succeeded in lifting my younger brother (who seemed unconscious and felt light as a feather, stiff as a board) to chest level with absolutely no effort. We began to carry him out of the room to show our step-dad, but as soon as his head crossed over the threshold of the door, he shook awake and immediately regained all of his weight and crashed to the floor.
We thought it was all in great fun at the time, but what I didn’t realize was that we were inviting the spirit world to come to us. We were calling on their help. And on the second try, they showed up. And, of course, these were not godly spirits. Godly spirits don’t play these kinds of games. They were evil spirits, in the hopes of drawing us in more. These "innocent" games can oftentimes lead to dark paths.
As an adult looking back now, I am always surprised at how this really worked. And yet, I’m not surprised because I do, after all, believe the Bible when it says there is an unseen supernatural world around us. I guess I am just surprised at how two completely innocent, naive, adolescent girls could unknowingly call on the spirit world, thinking it was just a game, and actually get a powerful response. (It's horrifying that Ouija boards are sold as games in the toy section. Evil at its most sinister!)
The “light as a feather” thing isn’t my only encounter with the spirit world. Over the years, I've had times when I've woken up with that “heavy weight on the chest" feeling, like it’s squeezing the air out of me, paralyzing me, making it hard to call on Jesus's name. Some call it “sleep paralysis,” but I know what it really is: demonic harassment. Maybe not in every instance for everyone, but in my case it was. (Funny thing is, the first time it happened was right after I scoffed - on the inside, not out loud - when a Christian friend told me about his experience with it.)
But the most significant brushes with the unseen world happened in 2009 when I went through a stretch of five months of demonic harassment. This began around the same time we were starting to meet regularly with a Bible study group and as I was getting really serious about living a more God-seeking, God-glorifying life. These were the most vivid encounters I've ever had with the spirit realm, not counting the “light as a feather” time. Below is a shorter version of what happened. (A longer version: "In 'honor' of Halloween: My story of demonic harassment". And the longest version, from my "memoir": “Chapter 22: In Jesus’ Name”.)
I had just finished watching a National Geographic program on the Codex Gigas (aka “the Devil’s Bible”). It wasn’t a “demonic” program or sensationalized or anything like that. It was just a look at an old book and who might have written it. I actually watched it because I wanted to scoff at it, to criticize it. (I don’t scoff much anymore. Well, yes I do, about many other issues, but not this one.)
It turned out the joke was on me. That night, I woke up to the sound of screaming in my ears, in my head. Horrible screaming, as though thousands of people were crying out in torturous pain all at once from far away. I'd never had that happen before. If I remember correctly, I called out the name of Jesus or said “Jesus, help me,” and it stopped. But that was just the beginning of months of nighttime harassment.
Several times a week for the next five months, I was woken up with various different sensations: feeling something heavy on my chest, feeling paralyzed, feeling like something was sealing my mouth shut or sucking the air out of my lungs or sucking my face up into a “vacuum,” once hearing the sound of thunder in my head, once feeling like someone was tightly choking me as I was waking up (I wondered, as I became more awake, if my own hand was choking me, but both my hands were nowhere near my throat), and (the usual one) feeling like my body was being electrocuted by a blast of electricity which would paralyze my body and mouth, making it hard to call on the name of Jesus (which also happened once when I was lying in bed fully awake, contemplating what the "electricity" was and how it happened).
Many times, I could almost sense something in the room before I went to bed, a chill or a presence. (I'm sure that some of the times it could've been my own fear and hyper-alertness, tricking me into thinking something evil was there, but not all of the times.) And then that night, I would "dream" that a demon was in the room (I remember once it was in the form of a snake wrapping around my leg and once in the form of black smoke hovering over my sleeping body). And then just as the demon would reach out to touch me in the "dream" or just as I would realize that a demon was there and that I needed to call on Jesus, I would suddenly get shocked into being wide awake, paralyzed, electrocuted, struggling to make my lips move so that I could call on the name of Jesus. (After thinking it over, I view those "dreams" not as merely dreams but as "visions," as glimpses of the spirit world, an awareness by my spirit of what's going on in the spirit realm around me while my physical body sleeps.)
Occasionally, I heard strange loud noises just as I was falling asleep and crossing over from conscious to unconscious, like breaking glass or a cup of marbles being dropped onto a sheet of metal or something like that - weird noises that jolt you awake but have no real explanation. (My husband experienced this, too.)
And the weirdest “attack”: I was lying in bed fully awake one morning (but completely still because I didn't want to wake my infant son sleeping next to me) when suddenly I began to feel an invisible presence crawling across the mattress towards me. I could feel the blankets being pulled down and the mattress being pushed down, as if someone was crawling across it on their hands and knees. And it didn't just happen once but several times as I kept swatting at it with my legs to see if I could feel anything or figure out what it was. (I couldn't.) This one completely perplexed me. And in my confusion, I failed to call on Jesus's name. I just laid there, confused, swatting at the open air, checking around the bed to see if one of the kids might be playing a joke on me, wondering "What in the world is going on!?!"
I guess I just couldn't believe - didn’t want to believe - that it had gotten this physical, that something like this could happen in the daytime when I was fully awake. It had crossed a line. If they could do this, what else could they do? Smother me or my kids while we slept? Push us down the stairs? Turn the car wheel into oncoming traffic?
Eventually, these attacks became fewer and fewer, and nothing more dramatic or worse has happened than what I've shared (except now I think they attack me through anxiety, which has been far more difficult and scary than those five months, but I'm working on it with God's help). But I have had moments like these here and there in the years that followed, usually right after I shared my story of demonic harassment with someone. (Coincidence?)
It was terrifying at first, especially since I had almost no experience with this, almost no knowledge of how to deal with it, very few resources about it, and almost no one to support me or believe me. And so I had to go through it basically alone. (The very few people I told didn't really believe me, including my husband. They may have acted like they did, but their tone-of-voice and eyebrows told me they didn't, that they were just humoring me. There was one person who prayed with me on the phone one night, so that was nice, but he never came to our house with the pastor to pray over it like he said he would, and I was bummed about that. Felt abandoned.)
I had to learn the hard way: all on my own. I had to figure out what happening on my own, find reliable resources on my own, figure out how to handle it on my own, and to comfort my own fears because no one else could or would. It was a long several scary months, trying to wade through this new territory with almost no help or support. (Well, except for the Lord's help, of course, but practically no support from other people.)
But looking back now, I've come to see these experiences as huge blessings in my life. I'm so very truly thankful that God allowed this time of demonic harassment.
Those five months were some of the most faith-changing months of my life. Out of everything I've gone through, these have grown and strengthened my faith the most because they convinced me of the absolute reality of the supernatural world and, therefore, the absolute reality of demons, angels, Satan, God, Jesus, the Bible. It has significantly increased my dependency on God, making me aware of my desperate need to abide daily in Him, in the Word, and in prayer. It taught me the importance of seeking righteousness and of being careful how I live, of what I say and do (even though I fail a lot). And it's deepened my understanding of the spiritual battle, making me much more aware of the "welcome mats" we might roll out for demons (purposely or accidentally), the ways we might invite them into our lives, giving them a right to harass us.
And I'm even thankful I went through it alone - I wouldn't have wanted it any other way - because it forced me to fight my own battles, instead of hiding behind my husband or a friend or a pastor. It forced me to rely on Jesus alone, to run to Him for help, instead of to another person.
Because of these experiences, the spiritual battle is not "theoretical" to me anymore, and demons are not mythical or "way out there somewhere."
It all becomes very real when they're in your own home, harassing you for months, squeezing your neck, sealing your mouth shut, electrocuting you, or crawling across the mattress, inches from your legs.
And it teaches you a very important truth: The spirit world is real. Demons are real. The battle is real. And you can't just stick your head in the sand, pretending it's not. You can't opt out of the battle or choose to not get attacked. It will happen whether you want it to or not, whether you're ready or not, whether you recognize it or not. And if you want to get through it, you have to learn to fight. And you have to learn to fight God's way, with the weapons He gave us, taking up your armor, facing the enemy, and engaging in the battle.
The attacks will come whether you want them to or not. Are you prepared? Do you understand the nature of the battle? Do you know what spiritual weapons are available to you? Can you discern which battles are physical and which are spiritual (if you're not sure, ask God, because He knows and will tell you)? Can you identify if there's a spiritual root-cause to some problem you're facing today? Are you on the lookout for spiritual pitfalls and risks? Are you prepared, or will demons catch you unaware, with your guard down?
[Go ahead and scoff. I don't mind. Just remember: "In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave." In case you ever need it. FYI: I used to say "In the name of Jesus...", but a godly pastor told me to make sure to say "In the name of Jesus Christ" because there are some demons who will answer to the name of Jesus, because it's a common name like Joseph or Joshua. But "Christ" sets Jesus apart. It's His special title - and His alone - showing that He is God, the Messiah, King of Kings and Lord over all.]
Because of these experiences, I now try to always be very careful with my life, my choices, my focus, what I watch and listen to and engage in and bring into my house, etc.. (I fail plenty of times, but I keep trying.) And I've taught my kids about spiritual dangers, about how certain things open the door to evil, such as occultic things, yoga, horoscopes, Ouija boards, horror movies, how we talk, etc. I've taught them the importance of using Scripture (the sword of the Spirit) in the spiritual battle and of saying "In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave," if they ever need it. And I now evaluate almost everything by "Does this carry a spiritual risk? Who will it glorify: God or Satan? Will it open a door to evil? Is this a spiritual battle or a physical one? Is there a spiritual root-cause behind it? A spiritual answer? Does it require spiritual weapons? Etc."
[Of course, Christians will caution "Don't get so caught up in this stuff that you see a demon behind every bush. Demons are not always behind every little bad thing that happens to us." Yes, I agree. We cannot attribute everything to demons, and I don't. We need to be level-headed and discerning about it all, and I am. (One of the reasons I had such a hard time finding good, reliable resources is because too many over-sensationalized this issue. And the more overly dramatic they were, the less I trusted them. I wanted matter-of-fact ones because that's how the Bible treats this issue, in a very matter-of-fact way. And so that's how I try to treat it too.) But to be honest, I think the greater pitfall for Christians - more common than "seeing a demon behind every bush" - is not seeing demons at all, failing to recognize demonic activity when it's there, failing to take the spiritual battle seriously, failing to use our spiritual weapons. Watch out for both extremes: too much interest in demons, in the spirit world, or not enough awareness of demons and the spiritual world/battle.]
Also, when I reflect back on the unseen forces that lifted my younger brother and that crawled across my mattress - fully convincing me of the reality of the supernatural world, of God, of Jesus - it helps keep me grounded when I'm despairing, when I'm going through a hard time, tempted to doubt my faith. I could never give up my faith or doubt the existence of God or the truth of the Bible even if I wanted to - because I know too much now about how real it all is. And I've experienced enough of "the other side" (evil, demons) to want nothing to do with it. And so I know that I chose rightly in siding with God, in choosing Jesus as my Lord and Savior. And for all the assurance these experiences have given me, even if it was a scary several months, I am so very thankful. It keeps me believing even when I'm tempted to doubt. (It was especially helpful in a moment like this: "A Defining Moment".)
Sadly, not every Christian has been given this kind of confirmation and assurance. I know it might sound insensitive, but I would almost hope that God would allow all Christians to experience something like this in their lives - vivid encounters with the spirit realm - so they could be convinced this is all real, that it's not mythical or a game. (Don't go looking for these experiences! But be ready if they come your way.)
If all Christians experienced a little of what I did, a lot more of them would be a lot less lukewarm, a lot less careless or risky with their decisions, a lot more focused on what's eternal instead of what's temporary. They'd be much more serious about their faith and living rightly before God and putting on their spiritual armor and engaging in the spiritual battle. And maybe our world and our churches wouldn't be quite the mess they are.
If Satan can't get us to worship him or engage in things that glorify him, he'll try to get us to live like he isn't real - because then we won't take the battle seriously. We won't fight an enemy if we pretend he isn't there. We won't resist demonic temptations if we don't realize they're demonic. We won't be careful about our choices if we don't understand the impact they'll have in the spiritual world.
If Satan can't get us to dance with him, he'll try to get us to ignore him. Both are just as pleasing to him and just as effective at causing trouble for us and our faith.
Whether we like it or not, we are in a battle. You are in a battle, with enemies trying to trap you, trip you up, and tear you down. Are you aware of this? Are you prepared?
When your eyes are opened to the spiritual battle going on around us all the time, your life and faith will never be the same again. And I can honestly say that those five months were some of the best things that ever happened to my faith. I really do thank God for them.
(Remember this song, older Christians: Witch's Invitation by Carman. Ahh, good times!)
A (possibly scary) suggestion:
If you're ready for this, if you want to see God grow and strengthen your faith, I've got a suggestion for you to try: Pray and ask God to reveal to you if there's anything you need to address in your life, in your faith. Is there any foothold you've given Satan? Any doors you've opened to him that need to be shut? Any sin you need to repent of? Anything you need to obey God about? Any detour you've taken from God's path for you, and you need to get back on track? Pray and ask God to reveal this to you and to tell you what He wants you to do about it. And then if and when He answers (listen in your heart for His answer over the next hours, days, weeks), be ready to obey. (But run all answers you "hear" through Scripture to make sure it's biblical, that it's really from God and not just from you.) And if it's hard to obey, ask Him to help. These are prayers He wants to answer.
Here are some sermons on spiritual warfare from my favorite pastor, Dr. Tony Evans. (Yeah, I know I mention him a lot. Get used to it.)
The Nature of the Battle Part 1 and here's Part 2
Spiritual Warfare playlist of sermons
Another Spiritual Warfare Playlist
Some questions from the Bible study, to get you thinking:
3. All kinds of sensationalistic, crazy, supernatural stories abound nowadays. People are enamored by these kinds of stories. Do you think miracles still happen? Are angels active on earth? Do supernatural things happen? And what are some ways that we can discern between true stories of supernatural events and made-up ones?
7. What are some wrong ways that Christians might view, treat, or tinker with the spirit world? What is the danger in this? Is it just harmless fun?
8. Can you think of examples of things that we might call “spiritual attacks” but that aren’t? (What might they be instead? Things we brought on ourselves? A result of living in a fallen world?) What are some things that we don’t think of as “spiritual attacks” but that actually might be? What is the danger of mislabeling a spiritual attack? How can we know the difference?
11. Do you live with too much, too little, or just enough awareness of the spiritual world/battle?
12. What do you think heavenly angels do, and what are they here for? (What do most people think they are here for?) What are the dangers of overestimating heavenly angels and what they can do? Of underestimating them? And what does the Bible say about angels? (Find as many verses as you can.)
13. What do you think fallen angels, including Satan, are capable of doing? (What do most people think they are capable of doing?) What are the dangers of overestimating them? Of underestimating them? And what does the Bible say about demons? (Find as many verses as you can.)
14. Why do some Christians live as though Scripture’s plain teaching about the spirit world and hell are myths? What danger is there in doing that?
15. Do you believe that our prayers really do have an effect on the spirit realm? Do you believe that the way we live has an effect on our prayers and God’s Kingdom? How? Any examples? [Added note: Calvinists may not be able to understand how our prayers and choices have an effect because they have a wrong view of God's sovereignty and of predestination and of all things being preplanned, caused, controlled by God. And so I recommend that Calvinists read my "Understanding God's Will" series on my other blog, with notes on Calvinism. Click here for a list of links to each post in that series. When we have a more correct view of how God works, things make more sense.]
18. What are some times and ways that we “drop our armor”? How does this make us vulnerable to the attacks of the enemy? Do we live like it does?
19. What are some other things that make us vulnerable to attacks or that invite attacks?
22. What kind of hooks does Satan like to dangle before us, hoping that we bite? Which might you be most likely to bite? (Awareness is half the battle.)
23. What kinds of footholds do we give Satan or demons? How might we roll out the “welcome mats” for them, deliberately or inadvertently? (How about you personally?) What can we do about it? Examples?
24. How would we handle trials and struggles differently if we saw them as spiritual battles and not just as “normal, human struggles”? Can you see any of these in your own life, the weak areas where Satan might be able to attack you best, wear you down, or gain a foothold?
27. There have been reports of several people who wouldn’t board the planes that crashed during the 9-11 attacks. They turned around at the gate because they smelled rotting meat or felt a strong feeling of danger. And then there are some people who have experienced times that God told them to check on a certain friend, only to find out that their friend was in danger and needed help at that very moment.
What do you make of these things? Does God send these kinds of messages to us today? Do we listen? Do we obey? Do you think it’s possible that God warned more people about the plane crash, but only a few listened and took it seriously? What makes the difference? Who “hears” these messages and who misses them? And if God does indeed still speak like this to people, how should it affect our lives?
30. What do these verses mean, and how can you apply them to your life (pray and ask God His opinion)?
“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7)
"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings." (1 Peter 5:8-9)
